Sunday, August 23, 2009

Moved

In case you didn't get it in my last post, I have moved. I am now at:

http://knifeboy.keepconnectedlive.com

Friday, August 14, 2009

Sorry, But...

I'm sorry I haven't posted in the last three days. I had to work overtime and have not been getting home until 3:00 AM, and have therefore needed to get right to bed. I hope I didn't concern anyone by my lack of presence here.

Well, I have taken the dive and gone to Keep Connected Live. What pushed this decision for me was that all but two of my on line friends from JS and Blogger have moved there. I greatly missed connecting and keeping up with these people. I will still come here to read up on the friends of mine who are still here, but I will be doing all of my posting there from now on. I truly hope this doesn't upset anyone.

Aloha.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Money Sucks

I only say that because there is not enough of it around and handy this month. First, my mortgage payment must have gotten hung up in the mail last month, because this month I have a late charge assessed. First time in twenty two years that's happened. Then, the day before I went on vacation I got stopped by Jersey's finest for going 82 in a 65 zone on the freeway on my way to work. That's a $160 fine. Then there is the rest of the bills. I will have to take money out of savings to cover, which hurts but is unavoidable. It almost makes me wish I hadn't spent what I did on vacation.

Work was very hectic this evening. It was busy, and I have to cover two departments while one of the other supervisors is out on vacation for two weeks. I had forgotten all about that. And with being out for two weeks, I had 432 emails waiting for me. Unreal. Believe it or not, I got through all of them. The best email was from my little sister, who is a navy nurse stationed at Camp Lejeun (SP?). I love hearing from her, which is not often enough.

Tonight and tomorrow morning both promise thunderstorms, severe at times. Lovely. I really need to get that grass cut. Anyway, everyone have a great week...

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I'm So Lonely...

...and I'm sick of it. The lady I have been communicating with on Tagged has not messaged me in over a week- ever since I asked her if she would like to meet in person. I'm about ready to start hitting the bars, as much as I hate that idea. I'm about ready to cave in and hit one of the other dating web services.

On nights like tonight it is especially hard to take. The house seems too big and empty and quiet. I go to bed at night and every little sound seems greatly amplified. Having the dogs here doesn't help much. Neither does talking to family on the phone. Nor does posting here, as I rarely get comments anymore. Facebook helps some when I am on it, though, I will admit. I miss all the nights I used to spend on Journalspace, talking away with a miriad of on line friends. But, no use mourning that loss anymore.

When will I meet that special someone? When will my moment come? I am tired of waiting.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Back Home Again

Well, I am back home as of about 5:00 this evening. Last night we had a big blow-out fish fry at my sister's house. There were about twenty people there. We swam, ate, drank, talked and sat by a nice bon fire. I was tired this morning after that, but I nonetheless hit the road about 9:30 this morning. I made good time, and the dogs were well behaved in the car.

I got home to realize that the house was not as clean as I thougth, so I have spent all evening cleaning and doing laundry. I'm about done now, though, so time to rest. Tomorrow I have to cut the grass that has grown tall the last two weeks, and pull the five foot high weeds that have sprouted in the garden. And there are a lot of vegetables to harvest.

Tomorrow night is dinner at my daughter's house, then early to bed to get ready for the work week.

Happy Saturday, everyone. It's good to be home.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Fish And More Fish

Well, I'm back from the fishing trip, and I am tired and sunburned. My sunscreen did not seem to work all that well, at least not on my forehead. The being tired part comes just from being on a boat for two days in rough water- 2-3 foot waves in open water are a bit much when you are in a twenty-one foot boat. We did pretty well as far as the expedition itself went. We caught 7 large walleye and a limit of perch on both days. For those of you who don't know, a limit is 50 perch for two people, so we caught 100 total in the two days. We are going to have one big fish fry on Friday night.

Last night, to celebrate the end of the trip we had a good dinner at my sister's house, and watched Coldplay in concert on VH1 and the movie Role Models, a very funny flick. This morning we all went to the Columbus Zoo. It was fun, and I took a lot of good photos of the animals and sea creatures. Tonight is a 30th birthday dinner for my nephew at a fancy Italian place by the river. Tomorrow I am going to do something with my brother, I'm not sure what. We tentatively have the state fair penciled in for Thursday. No plans for Wednesday or Friday yet.

I will be making the drive home on Saturday. That way I have Sunday to clean house a bit, cut the grass and work in the garden, weather permitting. I also need some time to just sort of "recover" from vacation. I have to get my brain back in the game before I head back to work on Monday.

Everyone have a great week.

Friday, July 31, 2009

More Fun

The last few days have been good. There has been shopping, going to the movies, eating out, fishing, swimming, more kayaking, visiting with family and of course, playing with the dogs. The trip to the conservatory was awesome and I got a lot of photos of the Chihuly glass artwork that was on display. Tonight we are going to the Dublin Irish Festival to eat, drink and be festive in a Irish sort of way. I forgot to bring my kilt, so I won't be wearing it for the occasion.

Tomorrow I am going fishing at Lake Erie with my brother-in-law. We will likely be staying overnight and fishing on Sunday, too. Assuming that we make a decent catch, we will be having a fish fry on Sunday evening. We will be going after walleye and smallmouth bass.

Next week is the state fair, hiking, more kayaking, more fishing and a huge picnic/cook out complete with bonfire. I will also be getting together with my old school chum, Terry, at some point to relive the glory days for a few hours. What's that Andy Warhol said- There's nothing as pathetic as an aging hipster? Yeah, right.

Everyone have a really great weekend. I know I will.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

And So It Starts

I got here alright, no problems with the dogs or with the kayak on the roof of the car. It's been pretty busy since I got here. Saturday night I went with my niece and her husband to a pro soccer game- The Columbus Crew. It was their final game of the season and it was an exciting win against Toronto. I had not been to one of these games before, and it was fun- a lot better than watching it on television.

Sunday was zip lining, and we had a great time at it. I think it was more fun this time than it was the first time. The course was a bit different as they had lost some trees in the fall due to storms.

Yesterday started with a nice leisurely breakfast on my parent's large, screened-in front porch. Then we took the kayak and canoe to a local lake and went paddling, followed by lunch in the park shelter house. After that we went swimming at my sister's house and she grilled out for us. I fell asleep in the pool in a float chair and got a sunburn on my face, chest and legs.

Today it was another leisurely breakfast, and then I got together with my brother. We went shopping at sporting goods stores, then had lunch at a favorite local bar. I took a nice afternoon nap on the porch swing, and then my mother made my favorite dinner- salmon cakes, beans, mac and cheese, and salad.

Tomorrow we are all going to the city to the arboretum (sp?) as it is supposed to rain all day. If it does not rain we will be seining in the creek in the morning first. I'll probably get some fishing in at the pond, also.

That's all for now. Everyone have a great hump day!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Friday By The Numbers

1. Ready, set, go! I think I will be leaving for Ohio tonight after all. I just can't wait to get going. Getting the kayak tied up on the car in the dark may be a pain in the ass, but I'll deal with it. The dogs will be funny. They won't know what is going on. I will post while I'm gone, but not every day.

2. Welcome to Blogger, Natalie. You look great with the contacts. Did I say great? How about stunning? You can blush now.

3. It rained a lot last night, and that made things very humid for today. The sun is coming out now, and it's going to be a scorcher. It's only eleven and I already have the fans running. Finally, some real Jersey July weather. I have fans. Heh.

4. I got the grass cut this morning. Stepped in a lot of yard bombs, though. If you have dogs, you know all too well about yard bombs.

5. Work has been very busy the last few days, and the boss is project crazy. We have an executive visit coming up, and we are spending mad hours cleaning in the warehouse. I have to tackle both of my desks tonight- I have one in the office, and one in my actual department in the warehouse.

6. Everyone have a really great weekend. Happy Friday!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Thursday Stuff

It is raining pretty hard right now. And it is supposed to rain more tonight, with a chance of it tomorrow. It's not looking good as far as me getting my grass cut before I leave on vacation. I do not want to come back to knee high grass.

I'm thinking that I may just leave sometime tomorrow night after work. I like driving the turnpike at night because there is very little traffic to deal with, and few cops, too.

I'm looking forward to seeing my best friend from school, Terry. We have been close friends since 6th grade. That's almost forty years. That's the longest relationship of any kind that I have ever had. I'm so glad that we have stayed in touch all of these years. Terry can always get me laughing, without fail.

Today I have a conference call with the company nurse. This is a new program our HR department at work has dreamed up. They keep track of your general health- your blood pressure, eating and exercise habits, and all kinds of stuff. I suppose it's a good thing, but it feels like prying. They try to get you to eat better, exercise more and so on. They are like a health coach. The company is trying to use preventative medicine and actions to help lower their health care/insurance costs. They have put in a bunch of voluntary and manditory programs, all tied to how much money they provide to you for health care, and it's getting very confusing to keep track of it all.

Well, I'm off to read some blogs. Have a good Thursday. Come on Friday!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Squirmin'

Okay, I'm getting antsy for vacation to start. I'm 95 % packed up already. The house is reasonably cleaned. I put a "stop delivery" on my mail. I just have to throw a couple more things in the suitcase and cut my lawn and I'm ready to go. I'll be biting my nails between now and Friday night.

I have been looking at my windows on the house, and once I get back from vacation, I really need to clean them on the outside. There is this dirty film on them. This is not a job I relish. Most of my windows are older and do not tilt inside for cleaning. I will have to go outside with a bucket of suds and the hose and the ladder to handle it.

I got pretty mad at work last night, which doesn't happen very often. I stopped an employee (not one of mine) who was doing something unsafely. That's part of my job as safety administrator for the facility. Well, this employee just blew me off and kept on doing what he was doing. I got pissed, told his supervisor about it, then wrote him up. I was wound about this most of the evening. It's funny how people want respect but don't want to give it to people in positions of authority. You don't have to like me, but you do have to respect the authority of the position I hold. Anyway, I'm over it now.

I'm so glad it's hump day. Everyone have a great Wednesday!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Well, this is new. I'm not used to being up in the morning, let alone on the computer and posting. I've been up since 9:00 AM doing things. I'm trying to turn over a new leaf as far as getting up in the morning and getting things done. Especially this week. There is a lot to do for me to get ready for my trip: packing, laundry, cleaning the house so I don't have to do it when I get back. I have to go to the post office to fill out a form to get the mail stopped for the two weeks.

Now that I am back online, I am also back to corresponding with the lady from Tagged that I am interested in dating. Very soon I will ask her if she is interested in meeting in person. She only lives about forty minutes from here. I hope she says yes. I feel pretty confident about this one.

Last night work was very slow, and I was bored to death. As usual, since there was no work in my department, all of my people worked in other departments, and I finished all my paperwork in the first hour I was there. I spent the rest of the night on the net reading informational articles about kayaking. And I got paid for that. Heh.

Well, I'd better get busy with a couple of things here. I'll probably post more this evening.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Back From The Dead

Hey, I'm back! I'm sorry I was gone but it couldn't be helped. The company locked us out of almost all internet access last Wednesday, so I could not get back here until I got internet service installed at home, which happened this afternoon.

I went camping this weekend with Rachel and some other friends in the Pine Barrens. We had a good time, and the weather was really nice- not too warm, not too cool. I love being out in the woods. We are making plans to go again next month sometime.

I'm hoping that this week goes really quick, since I leave on vacation on Saturday morning. It will be a long drive to Ohio, but I will be really glad to get there. I will be really busy right of the bat, too. Early on Saturday evening I will be attending a Columbus Crew soccer game. I've never been to a pro soccer game before. After that we are going to a bar to see my sister-in-law's son's band play. On Sunday I will visit my brother in the morning, then in the afternoon we are going zip lining. After that, It's a barbeque. All that in just the first day and a half.

Well, I'd better get off to work now. More later...

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Medical Stuff and Poetry

I got up late this morning and missed my 11:00 appointment with the psychiatrist. I don't know why I was so tired. Maybe it was because I stayed up reading a poetry book after I got home from work. I had to reschedule and now I have to go tomorrow even earlier- 9:00. I'm going to have a hell of a time getting up for that.

I talked to my other doctor on the phone and he still doesn't know what is causing my anemia. I have to go for more blood tests in September, after which he will decide whether or not to change some of my meds. He says that one of them is know to have a side effect where it does something to the bone marrow which causes blood to not be generated correctly. I wish I knew and could get this solved and behind me. Besides the health worry, I have already to spend about $1,200 out of pocket so far on this beyond what my insurance didn't pay. That really puts a squeeze on me.

*****

I'm not a dumb guy. I am college educated and am a constant reader. But I have to admit that there is some poetry I just don't get. I will read poems by someone who is considered to be pretty damned good, and I just won't understand. What they write doesn't make sense to me. I don't think it's me. I think that they write too abstractly or are making really bizarre or off the wall references and connections, and I just don't get where they are coming from. It makes me feel stupid in a way, and I don't like that feeling.

Now, I could fake it and write like that, but I would be hard pressed to explain what I meant by what I wrote if I was asked, and at some point I would be asked. I just couldn't do that. I guess I am relegated to writing poems that anyone could pick up and read and understand without any explaination or preface given. And I'm actually happy with writing that way. In fact, I prefer it that way.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Good For Me

My extended weekend was a good one. I relaxed a lot and did some fun things. On Thursday I slept in a bit, paid my bills and cut the grass. In the evening I went to the poetry group meeting, which was fun. Besides the poetry stuff I just had a good time visiting with everyone.

Friday I slept in again, and went out fishing on the kayak. It was nice because, being a work day, there was no one out on the lake besides me. I didn't catch anything this time, but it was still fun. In the evening I went to the poetry reading. Rachel gave a very good reading and we had a decent turnout. The after party at Dunlevey's was good as always- great company and good food and drink. I was especially entertained by hearing Anna's husband and another writer talking about all the concerts and shows they had seen in England in their younger days in the 70s and 80s.

Saturday was more sleeping in, until about 1:00 PM this time. Then I had Kendall over to work on finishing up the recording on our poetry CD, which we did complete. Now I just have to mix down the tracks and order them. Kendall will be working on the cover while I do that. In the evening there was a huge thunderstorm which lasted several hours. There was a lot of lightning, and once it hit in the street right in front of my house. It was so loud and unexpected that both the dogs and I jumped when it hit.

Sunday I slept in once again, then went on an eight mile bike ride in the Pine Barrens at Wharton State Forest. That was a nice ride, but it was kind of hot. After that I installed the new flotation system in my kayak, which came in the mail on Saturday. Then I went to my son's apartment for dinner. He and his girlfriend really don't cook, so we ordered out from a good Italian place. When I got home from there I talked to family members on the phone and spent some time loading songs onto the mp3 player that I had ripped off of some CDs.

This week will seem like a long week since the last two have been short ones for me. It will be busy at work, though, so that helps the time pass. This coming weekend I have a camping trip to go on, then it's time to start getting ready to go on vacation, which I have been very much looking forward to the last few weeks.

Well, I'm off to read some blogs now. Happy Monday everyone.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Lost A Limb

Well, I feel like I lost a limb, anyway. I just lost touch with a whole bunch of people- my company blocked access to facebook today. I have to stop screwing around and get some cheap internet service at home. It's just difficult right now with the pay cut/manditory furlough days in effect at work. That and having to try to save for my daughter's wedding. Damned economy. I wish it would hurry up and get better already.

Well, I'm off the next two nights, and I'm looking forward to it. But, duty before pleasure- I have to cut my grass and write out my bills tomorrow before anything else happens. Friday I will again try my hand at the kayak fishing. It will be nice to go when there is no one else out on the lake. I have no idea yet what I will read at the poetry reading on Friday night. I usually try to read newer stuff, but I'm feeling like my latest batch of writing is a bit weak. I'll figure it out. There is lots of stuff I have not read in public that I can draw from.

Everyone have a great weekend...

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I don't have much to say today. It's a nice day outside, I feel pretty good, but nothing of note has happened. Nothing bad has happened to me or anyone I know. Maybe that's enough, you know?

No news on the romantic front. I'm waiting to get a message back from my current on line prospect. I really hope that this turns into something. She seems so nice, and I need someone nice with whom to share my time and attention. Keep your fingers crossed for me, please.

With being off at the end of the week, today is my Thursday. I'm happy about that. I'm kind of antsy for the day to be over, though. I don't know why- no real reason that I can think of at the moment. And it's not like tomorrow will be so great from what I know right now. My work day will start off with being involved in a conference call where the corporate manager and director of my division yell at everyone for an hour or so about any little thing they can find to go off about. Fun, fun.

Well, I'm off to read the blogs...

Monday, July 6, 2009

Countdown

I had a pretty good weekend considering that I spent it alone. I fished and kayaked. I grilled out. I ran my new weed whacker in the yard. I puttered around the house. In the evenings I sat on the back patio and listened to the radio or watched movies, and drank beer. I managed to get drunk both Friday and Saturday nights. That helped. I was a little buzzed last night for a while. The night time is the hardest when I have the lonelies.

I take back what I said on Friday about the online connections sites. Why? Because I've started getting replies on Tagged from the one person that I was really interested in, which is encouraging. She has an interesting profile, is pretty, has a great smile, is more my age, and lives less than an hour from me. It's a good start, I think.

Well, I know it's only Monday, but I'm counting down the days to the weekend already. And for me the weekend starts on Wednesday night this week, as I have Thursday and Friday nights off work for poetry related events. I don't think I've worked a full week in about four weeks now. I love it.

Come on Wednseday...

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Thursday By The Numbers

1. I have been pretty active on Tagged lately. I have sifted through hundreds and hundreds of profiles and have only found two prospects sort of close to home. One I'm really interested in for a number of reasons. Neither are responding to me. I'm beginning to think that the whole on line connections thing is a grand waste of time.

2. My poem Dust is published in the current issue of the on line poetry journal Thick With Conviction. I'm pretty happy about that. It's a really decent journal, and I feel honored to be in there again.

3. I got my house cleaned last night, so I only have to do yard work tomorrow. I also got pretty drunk while cleaning. I had four beers and five or six shots from the remains of a $50 bottle of tequila. At one point I was making the dogs dance with me to Billy Idol's Dancing With Myself, which was blasting from the mp3 player. I woke up half on the loveseat in the middle of the night, all the doors and windows open and the rain coming in. Yes, it rained again. A nice early start to the weekend.

4. I had a bit of sad news today. A friend of mine who was the bassist in a blues band I was in a handful of years ago passed away suddenly. He was a year younger than I am. Too young to go. He was a very talented musician and guitar technician, and an electrical engineer. I will miss you a bunch, Steve.

5. I have no idea what I am doing for dinner tonight. My cupboards are currently bare in terms of stuff I could bring to work without cooking ahead of time, which I have no time for usually. I may just order a shrimp basket or chicken tenders from the restaurant around the corner.

6. I just saw a roach crawling up the wall across from my desk. This is not a good thing to be seeing. I'd swear it is staring at me right now, the little monster.

7. Everyone have a great holiday weekend. Fire up those barbeques!!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Ugh

Here we are coming up on a long holiday weekend, and I have no plans except cleaning the house, doing yardwork, grocery shopping and paying the bills. Sure, I'll probably go to the gym, do some fishing and kayaking, and spend some time on the back patio with a beer and the radio, but still, no real plans. And what's worse, no one special to spend my time with, which sucks. And the kids are in California for another week yet after this one. Not looking for pity here, just stating facts. It's going to be a lonely weekend.

There is no work again tonight in my department, so it's very quiet here. The shipments came in, but the export documents weren't processed in time for us to take delivery today. So, we'll have a big pile up of work tomorrow when we will be off on Friday. That means Monday and Tuesday will be rough, too. It seems like it's feast or famine around here anymore, although this is supposed to be a temporary thing. I will be leaving four hours early tonight since I have nothing to do, which is a good thing in a way.

I don't have much else to say today. Maybe tomorrow...

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

What Is Wrong With People?

Let me tell you about sometihing that happened while I was at The Lube Faerie's party on Saturday night:

Around midnight a number of us were sitting around the fire ring when we started hearing what sounded like very loud fireworks at their next door neighbor's house. This being PA where fireworks are legal, and it being the weekend before the July Fourth holiday, this didn't phase me. A very short time later, the police were at the neighbors house. You could see them in the driveway with guns drawn, yelling, "Get your hands up, get your hands up!" We all immediate ran into the house and stayed there. The cops were at this house for a while after that.

Well, yesterday, we found out what had happened. It wasn't fireworks. This guy was extremely drunk, and upset about neighbor's complaints about his dogs barking. So, he took three of his four dogs into his kitchen and shot them with a rifle. Two of them were killed. The police found their bodies thrown in the back yard. The third was found injured and in a dog crate and was taken to an animal hospital. The fourth dog he didn't touch because it was evidently a prized hunting dog.

Now, this man's wife was home at the time. Lucky he wasn't upset with her. And we are lucky he didn't do this outside, as there were kids running around the place. What the hell would posess someone to do something like this? I was upset and sickened to hear about it. I cannot get it out of my mind. It is just so unbelieveable. Almost surreal.

The man is in jail in lieu of $10,000 bond. I'm hoping he gets the book thrown at him. I'm hoping that the SPCA comes to take the remaining dogs away from him(I heard that the injured dog was returned to the home). I hope that the police confiscated all of his guns. I hope this guy's wife has the good sense to get far away from him before she is next.

Monday, June 29, 2009

A Good, Long Weekend

I just typed a very long post detailing my weekend and how good it was, and somehow, Google ate it when I hit the "post" button. When will I learn to copy first? I'm not retyping it. Suffice it to say that everything about the weekend was awesome- I partied hardy, I fished, I read poetry, I kayaked- and I am hoping for a repeat this coming weekend. I hope that everyone else had a nice weekend, also.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Thursday By The Numbers

1. Lucky me. After a brief talk with the boss this afternoon, I am leaving work tonight four hours early, at 7:00. And I have tomorrow off,although I'm not getting paid for it. I need the nice long weekend. I'm looking forward to it.

2. It rained again last night. I got up early to cut the grass, but it was still wet, so back to bed I went. I slept until time to get ready for work. There was really nothing else to do, and AM television sucks for the most part.

3. No rain today yet. It's not supposed to rain tonight or tomorrow either. Yeah, right. I'll believe it when it doesn't happen. If it doesn't I'll cut the grass tomorrow and take the kayak out. Tell me if you are getting tired of hearing about the kayak. I can't help it. I love it.

4. I try, but I just cannot seem to keep my car clean on the inside. I vaccuum it out and wipe it down once a week, but it does no good. I don't know what it is about this car. I didn't seem to have this problem with the truck. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I didn't care as much with the truck because it was a truck.

5. When you have absolutely nothing to do, go to Wiki and read the history of and story behind the Beatles song, I Am The Walrus. It's all very interesting. And it's interesting to see what other bands have covered it.

6. While you are at Wiki, look up the definition of the word "pica". Also very interesting. I know a number of people who indulged in pica as children. I know I did.

7. Everyone Have a great, great weekend. Party on, Wayne. Party on, Garth.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Well, I got up and got a little accomplished this morning. I haven't got my grass cut yet, but I did get my kayak out on the water this morning for an hour or so before the rain came again. It is getting ready to storm again right now. The dark clouds are just rolling in from the west.

I'm looking forward to a long, three day weekend. I'm off on Friday night because I have a poetry reading to do with the poetry group. On Saturday I'm doing yard work if its nice and going to a party in the evening at the Lube Faerie's, in lovely Seven Springs, Pennsylvania. Sunday will be more kayaking, weather permitting, and bass fishing no matter what the weather brings. I'll probably do some grilling, as well.

I'm dreading work after tonight because we will have no shipments coming in for the next four days.This is because of a transportation change that is taking place. Our Japan shipments used to come off the ships in Los Angeles, then were railed across the country to us. They stopped that. Now the ships will come through the Panama Canal and up the Atlantic coast to Port Elizabeth, which is close to here. There is this transition period where we will get no shipments, and this is it. It’s always difficult to find productive things for people to do when this happens, and I get so bored myself with all of my employees off working in other departments. At least I'll be able to get some writing done.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Overtaken

This is inevitable. I sleep. I wake up.
The whiskers grow all night
and every morning I chop them off.
The sound of the traffic out
on the highway is constant.
I drive the hour to work,
then I drive it back home. The same
faceless drivers are always out there.
They weave, careen, slam on brakes,
fill the highways with chaos.

I take my pills- colored ones in the morning,
white ones in the evening. I cook, eat, and shit,
over and again each day. I must take a leak
a dozen times. The television spews
news and entertainment nonstop,
and so does the radio. It gets to be just
noise after a while. So does hearing
people talk sometimes, endless streams
of words and phrases coming from out
of millions of mouths to pollute the air
like huge flocks of dirty birds that block
the sun from view.

And everywhere I look there are clocks
and watches of all sorts, drumming
the rhythm of endless time. They pound out
the eternal cadence of minutes and hours
that drag like an anchor on the ocean
floor, drag like Elliot’s ragged claws
along the beach, sullen and cold-blooded.
Mindless machines, they haunt me.

Sometimes when I think about all of it,
how it happens continually, days, weeks,
years, I want to open a vein. This is called
tedium, and it overtakes me like a deep case
of the blues. I wallow, then turn to rust.

The Best Laid Plans

Well, I got up early this morning as planned yesterday. It was overcast and windy. The weather radio said there was a 40% chance of rain. I went back to bed, didn't even attempt to cut the grass. I just didn't feel up to trying to rush around to get it done before the rain. As it turned out, it has not rained as of yet. In fact, the skies are partly clear right now.There is supposed to be no rain tomorrow, so I will try again.

I'm starting to think about my vacation now, which is only five weeks away from now. I think I am taking the kayak with me, as my father was talking about taking the canoes to a new park while I am there. I now will not need to take my bike with me, as my sister, the queen of garage sales, picked up a brand new mountain bike for $15 this past weekend as an extra ride for me. There is not a lot planned out ahead of time this visit. Of course, me having to bring the dogs with me put a damper on a couple of things, like going camping while I'm there. That's alright, though. I plan on spending a lot of time just taking it easy.

Work is very busy tonight, and will be tomorrow as well. After that, however, we are not supposed to have any shipments coming in until July 1st, which leaves us with four days with absolutely nothing to do. We will have to be creative in order to keep people busy. Of course we will offeer people the opportunity to take time off, but not everyone will do that. Most are saving their time for family summer vacations right now.

Well, I'm off to read some blogs. More later...

Monday, June 22, 2009

I've Been Happier

One word can describe how I feel right now, and that word is "miffed". First of all, it rained all weekend again. I didn't get to take the kayak out again, and my lawn is now at official grazing height. We are supposed to get a break over the next couple of days though, so that's a good thing.

Second, I asked what you might call a favor of sorts of someone I have been very close to for a long time. The hurtful thing wasn't so much that I was told no, but that I was made to feel like shit for even asking, which really wasn't necessary.

On the other side of things, I had a good time at the house warming party on Saturday. It's nice to be with friends. I also had a good time with the kids yesterday. The early dinner was very pleasing, and I only missed winning at miniature golf by one stroke. I scored a 63. And I haven't held a club in my hands in years.

No work for my department again tonight, and all of my employees are off working in other departments, so I am diving into a few special projects that have crept up today.

I plan on getting up early tomorrow. If it is indeed only partly cloudy with no sign of rain, I will take my kayak down to the lake for a while, then I'll cut the grass before going to work. Supposedly it's going to be nice this weekend. I hope so because my yard and garden need my attention.

Everyone have a good evening.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Just Nod If You Can Here Me

It's getting really sparse around here. The list of my favorites on Blogger who are no longer posting is steadily growing longer. I have not had a comment left on one of my entries in a couple of weeks. I wonder if anyone at all is reading me at this point. That thought leaves me feeling lonely. I will continue on nonetheless, as I mainly do this as therapy.

I just got back from a going away party at a local bar for a long-time work associate of mine, another victim of downsizing. I have known this woman since the early eighties and have worked with her for over twenty years. I feel bad for her. She is a single mother with two teenage sons who are still living at home. The company doesn't care about that, though. Normally I would be sure that she would find another decent paying job with her level of job knowledge and her customer service skills, but in these times, who knows. I wish her the very best.

It's a banner day for New Jersey. It has not rained today, and looks like it may not this evening. This is the first day of no rain in two weeks straight. I hope we are done with rain for a while.

Tonight is one of those nights: No work in my department. All of my staff are off working in other departments. I had all of my paperwork finished within a half hour of starting work. I have nothing to do and until 11:30 tonight to do it in. I could go stir crazy, and probably would were it not for the net. I guess this will be a good night to keep up with email, Facebook, Blogger and do some writing. And I'm getting paid. I have nothing to complain about.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

As Seen On The Web

The first advertisement is about a bear,
malnourished, neglected, caged
as a tourist attraction.

Help them, the ad pleads.

The second advertisement shows a dog,
a terrier I think, wet, no fur on it’s feet.
Life is hard on the streets, it says.

Help them, the ad pleads.

The next advertisement is for Nordstrom’s.
It urges me to buy the latest fashions
from Versace, Dolce & Gabna and others.

Buy now, the ad pleads.

There is something wrong with us.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

I Knew It

It rained a little while ago. I knew it would. It looks like it could rain some more, too. By the time it stops the grass in my yard will be knee high.

I will have company going to Rachel and Donna's housewarming party on Saturday. DeleteMe will be making the drive out from beautiful Seven Valleys, PA to join me for the party. It should be a decent time. Now I just have to decide what to make to take with me as far as a food item goes.

I've decided tonight to get up early tomorrow morning and make a trip down the road to the local Marshall's. I need a couple new pairs of work pants, stat. I think I'll get the best deal there.

Have a good rest of the night...

Yeah

I made someone smile today. That makes me feel good as a human being. It is going to be my objective from now on to do that at least once every day.

It hasn't rained yet today, but it looks like it could at any minute. You can feel it coming. It's something in the air.

I'm on a new medicine now- Zocor for cholesterol. Mine is at 125. I thought that wasn't too bad, but apparently it isn't that great. That brings the number of meds I have to take back up to seven. I don't count the Ambien any more since I haven't had to take it in over a week now.

I said it yesterday and I'll say it again today: lonely is an empty corner.

Everyone have a great evening.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Rain, The Rain

It rained all night last night. Naturally, it started when it was time to leave work and continued on from there. All day today it has been looking like rain. I'm getting tired of this. It is starting to give me the blahs. It makes me just want to stay at home in bed.

The weather forecast still says that it will rain every day this week, and that now includes right through the weekend. Ugh.

Someone stole the tape dispenser off my desk today. Yesterday it was my walkie talkie. You can't have anything around here unless you lock it up.

Well, that's all I have to say for now. Perhaps more later. For now I'm off to read some blogs.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Crap Weekend

It was a crap weekend thanks to the weather. Friday night it rained. Saturday I helped Rachel and Donna move, which wasn't bad because there were ten other people helping as well. I drove the big truck. However, halfway through the move we got hit with a torrential downpour. It continued to rain for hours. Everyone got soaked, some worse than others. Afterwards we had pizza and beer. As soon as we finished carting stuff into the house it stopped raining for a while. Then it continued to rain off and on. It rained more Saturday night, so I spent the evening listening to the radio and nodding off.

Sunday morning early it rained again, so I slept in. Later I got up and went to the gym. By the time I got out of the gym the weather had cleared some but it was still threatening rain and I did not have enough time to take the kayak out before dinner with the kids, so I didn't attempt it. Dinner with the kids and the ex was nice. We made plans for Father's Day, which the ex is ducking out on. We will be going to Red Lobster, followed by a trip to the local pitch'n'put for a couple of games.

After dinner with the kids I went home and cleaned house. Before I went to dinner I had stopped at Best Buy and bought the new Death Cab For Cutie CD, and The Mammas And The Pappas Greatest Hits CD, so I listened to them while I cleaned. Later I talked to my mother on the phone, then went to bed. While getting ready for bed I listened to the weather radio, which is calling for even more rain every day this week.

This morning I slept in, then got up and went to a doctor appointment. This one was with the diabetes doctor. He says I am doing very well according to my latest test results, which is good to hear. He is putting me on a new drug, though: Zocor, for my cholesterol. My bad cholesterol level is at 125 and he says it needs to be lower, so onto another pill I go.

The real good news is that after a full week, I am still sleeping very well without the sleeping pills. The Restless Legs Syndrome has not been an issue. I can only attribute this to the iron supplement I have been taking, as RLS is a common symptom of anemia.

Today is very busy at work. I got here late due to the doctor appointment, so I am trying to catch up on paperwork. Better get back to it.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Me And Wendy


This is a photo of me and Wendy from a few years ago. I loved her. Still do in a way. It was unrequited, though. I decided to post this today because I was thinking about it. What made me love her? Little things. Her laugh and her sense of humor. Her lips and her sly smile. The way she plays with her food. It was a lot of things. And we have a lot in common, too. But, it was not to be. Still, it's nice to imagine and fantasize sometimes. I wish I was not alone.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Work, Work, Work

That's all I have to talk about today. There is just nothing else happening in my life right now. It's very hectic at work, and the new manager is throwing a lot of new projects around. I was given two that will take me the better part of two hours tonight and they have nothing to do with running my department. They have to do with the facility as a whole. I don't mind, though. It keeps me hustling, and you know that I prefer to be busy at work.

The new manager is hard to keep up with. Since he has been here, the volume of email I receive has tripled. I am now receiving about 100 emails a day, not including junk mail. A lot of these emails are either from him, or the subjects were started by him. This is a result of his ability to juggle 25 chainsaws at once without dropping any. Nothing escapes his notice, and he has a memory like a bank vault. And everything reminds him of something else.

All of this is good, though. He is getting people who has sat around here on their arses for too long to engage in the business. That's great to see. I am speaking of my fellow supervisors here. There has been too much complacency and apathy from them in the past, and that is fast disappearing because that is the effect that this manager has on the operation and on people. I love it. It's good to see people now doing what they should have been doing all along.

Well, that's all for me for now. Maybe tomorrow I'll have something more interesting to talk about.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A Repeat

Last night was a repeat of Monday night- work very late, go home, go to bed, sleep until time to go to work- so again there is little to tell. The only difference is that last night I did spend some time playing with the dogs. They needed the attention. I understand how they feel.

The overtime work is over for now. There may not be any more until the end of the month, if at all. I'd prefer not to work it, especially since I don't get paid for working it. The company stopped that as a cost saving measure.

I have to order my new vehicle this week as my current lease on the Versa expires in the beginning of October. Yes, it takes that long when you order a vehicle. I'm pretty sure at this point that I am going with a Cube, in moss green. It will match the color of the new kayak, which is a light olive.

Well, I'm really busy, so back to work I go...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

A Funny

A friend sent this to me and I just had to pass it on...

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne , Indiana , who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.


Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea and heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn.I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt.I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.Needless to say I aborted the dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.'Whenever you have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?May you NEVER have a jellyfish bad day.

Nothing To Tell

There is virtually nothing for me to talk about today. I left work last night at 1:40 AM, got home and into bed by 3:00. I slept until noon, at which point I got up and got ready for work and left the house. And now I'm here again. Nothing has transpired. Isn't that exciting? At least tomorrow is hump day.

This coming weekend will be a busy one. On Saturday I am helping my friends Rachel and Donna move into their new house. Maybe I'll get some fishing in that evening. On Sunday I will be going to the gym and spending some more float time in the new kayak. Somewhere in there I will have to clean the house and fold three heaping loads of laundry that are waiting for me. So you see, it's only Tuesday and I'm all ready for the weekend. That may not be a good thing. It will probably make the week seem long.

More later maybe...

Monday, June 8, 2009

Concerned

I have to admit that I'm concerned at this point that Bobby, aka Fiujific, has not posted in what will be a week tomorrow. That's not like him. I think the world of the guy, and I hope that he is just really, really busy with things, and that nothing else is going on. A person gets worried, you know?

Everyone have a good night and a great Tuesday.

Yes, I Did

So, I did it this weekend. I went out and bought a kayak. After shopping around a while on Saturday, I found a great deal at Dick's Sporting Goods. I got a nine-footer for only $175, reduced from $300. No way could I pass that up. And no, it was not used. And surprisingly, the roof rack only cost me $35. I really could not believe that. Everything else that happened over the weekend was overshadowed by the kayak purchase, with the exception of actually using it for several hours on Sunday afternoon. In doing so I got a slight sunburn on my arms and face, and more of one on the part of my legs that were exposed. Sunblock!

Saturday night was nice also. I had gone and bought groceries before I went kayak shopping, so I had real food. I grilled salmon and my special potatoes and carrots. I ate outside on the patio, then stayed out there with the dogs and watched a movie on the laptop by candle light. I watched No Country For Old Men again. I love that movie.

Last night was my poetry group meeting. It was a good meeting. Of couse I had to talk about my new purchase and found out that my friend A and her husband have kayaks, also. Apparently they often go kayaking on the Delaware, around Burlington Island, so I will join them some time soon.
After I got home from the meeting I spoke to my parents on the phone, and I got so tired during the call that afterwards I went right to bed, and it was only 10:00. I normally would have been up until midnight. I slept really well, without the sleeping pills. I was happy for that.

I got up early this morning for my final (for a while, anyway) blood test. After that I washed the car, paid some bills and got ready for work. Tonight I have to work overtime, so I will not be getting out until 1:30 AM. It will probably be the same tomorrow night. Hopefully no more after that.

More later...

Friday, June 5, 2009

Shut It

Despite living in New Jersey for the past 22+ years, I am admittedly not a fan of Bon Jovi. In fact, I'm sort of a Bon Jovi hater. I don't know the guy personally (although I know someone who used to babysit him), so I don't hate him per se. I just hate his music. I especially do not like the song, Who Says You Can't Go Home?

Now, this radio station that plays on our P.A. system at work keeps playing this country and western version of the song, and it blows, big time. This "light rock" station has such a short play list and such a douche program director that I'm stuck hearing it two to three times every work shift. I can hardly bare it.

Please make the madness stop!

Good night...

Friday By The Numbers

1. It's another cold and rainy day. This is June. Where is the sunshine? I'm more than ready for it.

2. It was announced at work that we are going to change from three shifts to two. I will probably end up working from 10:00 AM to 6:30 PM or something like that. That's if I even stay in the same department. That may change as well. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.

3. I slept well last night, but then, I resorted to the sleeping pills. While I was sleeping so well, Cortez chewed a silver dollar-sized hole in the bedroom carpet. Good thing it's an old carpet that I will probably replace. Still, I could kill him. I don't know what got into him.

4. Plans for this weekend include fishing, cutting the grass, cleaning the house, folding laundry and probably kayak shopping. I also have a poetry group meeting on Sunday night.

5. When I get home tonight I'll probably stay up and watch Craig Ferguson. He always gets me laughing.

6. My horoscope for today says I might want to second-think a crush that I have at work. That's funny, because I do kind of have a crush at work.

7. My employees have worked really, really hard this week. I am grateful, and also very proud of them. I told them so in our department meeting this afternoon. I wish it could always be like this.

8. Everyone have a great weekend. Really.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

It's Been...

...A really crazy night here at work. Extremely busy for me. I spen the second half of the night tearing around on a forklift, shuttling freight. I didn't even get dinner. I'll be hitting someplace on my way home in a few minutes here.

Everyone have a great rest of the evening. Tomorrow, TFGIF. Till then...

And So

My big news yesterday was the impossible- that I got a bonus at work- a little over $3,000 net. I'm thinking that I may spend a couple of hundred on a kayak and bank the rest. I may just bank all of it. I know I will end up needing some of it for medical bills coming up from my tests.

The other big news is that in the fall my new manager is going to change us from a three shift operation to two shifts. I will either end up working a midnight shift or something like 10:00 to 6:30. I'll just have to wait and see what all shakes out of the mix of changes between now and then. Hell, I may not even be in the same department by then.

Work is very busy. I had to work overtime last night, and I will probably have to work it again tonight. I have to figure that out and make that decision in just a bit here.

Well, back to work. More later...

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

A Nod To Hank

“Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink.” - Charles Bukowski

Charles Bukowski is still my favorite poet and I don't care who knows it.

He lived a crazy life and he wasn't afraid to plainly put the sordid details down on paper for the whole world to read. He spit out his pains and emotions without it sounding contrived or cliched. He found a way to do it that was captivating. He had a way of drawing the reader into his wild world.

His life was full of booze, cigarettes, weed, women, crappy jobs, old cars, bad apartments, horse races and the torture that is often writing. In many ways reading his work reminds me of my late grandfather, who was among other things, a man of that generation and a partier extrordinaire.

Most all of his life was spent in the Los Angeles suburb of San Pedro, a hilly, run down old fishing town bordered by the ocean, Palos Verdes and dirty oil refineries. I spent five years of my life in San Pedro, before I had ever heard of Charles. He is buried in a San Pedro cemetary, just over the hill from my father-in-law, another man of that ilk. So, knowing that place as I do, and understanding Southern California, I feel connected to Charles for that reason, as well as for the fact that I too am a struggling writer. I too have battled personal demons. I too have found myself with a huge hangover in the morning after a long night of writing and listening to music in the heat of the summer.

Here's to you, Hank. Thank you for your words.

A Great Day

Blogger ate my long post. I am NOT retyping it. Let's just say that I'm having a really great day and leave it at that. I hope that you are, too.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I Don't Know...

...exactly what to write about today. I tried a slightly different tack last night. I didn't go to bed right away when I got home. Actually, I took digital photographs of some of my paintings and watched some television. Then I went to bed without taking the sleeping pills. Predictably, I didn't sleep all that well.

I fought myself to get up at 9:00 this morning. I got a shower and went out and voted. I came back and paid my bills. I had a nice dispute with the phone company about my wireless bill which ended up in my favor to the tune of $47.06. I left for work early so that I could stop at the doctor's and pick up some paperwork and make an appointment. I feel a little grumpy in general.

A little spider bit me on both arms in several places last night and I am itching like crazy in those spots. The anti-itch cream is only working for a little while with each application.

We had our first formal meeting with the new old manager today. It went well, but as I expected, it went way over schedule, also. I came out of it pretty much unscathed. There is a lot to do at work for me right now. We have a lot of shipments coming in, and there is a lot of month end paperwork to take care of over the next couple of days.

Well, I guess I'll go read some blogs now. More later, perhaps...

Monday, June 1, 2009

You've Got Me On My Knees

A short rant- I agree with author Chuck Klosterman: Clapton was a shit. What kind of guy goes after the one woman he can't have, his best friend's wife? What kind of friend is that? I don't want any of those. And what kind of wife is that? I don't want any of those, either. And Something is a much better song than Layla. So there.

Carry on.

It Was...

... a busy weekend. I got everything done that I wanted to except for paying the bills. I still have plenty of time for that. I spent the majority of the weekend outside working. I really got a lot done. The weather was beautiful all weekend except that it got windy and kind of cool last night. Diner with the kids was abreviated last night. My ex tossed everyone out before 7:00, stating that she had work to do, as in stuff from her job, so I was home early from that.

I tried to sleep without taking the sleeping pills last night and it did me no good. Within an hour the RLS was in a fury in my left leg. I'm really hoping that once this thing with my anemia is fixed that the RLS goes away, as that is a common sympton.

I feel guilty today because I wanted to get up early and go to the gym, but I slept in. I really needed the gym more than I needed the sleep. I'll try again tomorrow.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Friday By The Numbers

1. It is warmish outside right now, but it looks like it could pour any minute. It was supposed to be nice today. I hope the weekend weather is nice. I have lots of outside work to do.

2. This weekend I also have the monthly chore of paying my bills. Not my favorite thing to do. I hate writing out checks and dealing with the register. This is what I get for not trusting on line bill paying.

3. The garden is in great shape with all of the rain we have been having. I can hardly wait to see the veggies starting to form on the stalks and vines. I can, however, wait to deal with the weeds.

4. I feel like a slacker for not having written any poems this week, but the inspiration just has not been there. My muse has been on spring break, I guess.

5. No work whatsoever in my department tonight so I am leaving at 7:00. I had all of my paper work done within an hour of getting here. Most of my people are leaving at 7:00 also, and the rest are working in other departments. It will be nice to get home early and before dark. I'm sure the dogs will be glad to see me.

6. Help! Bosco peed on the front of my guitar amplifier last night. It dried. Does anyone know what will take a pee stain out of tolex? Tolex is fake leather, in case you didn't know.

7. Everyone have a great weekend. I mean it.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Still

I'm still tired today. I didn't sleep that well last night. It was on and off. I did not take my sleeping pill last night. I had a doctor's appointment this morning and I did not want to sleep through it.

The appointment went okay. The results of the pill cam were nil. The procedure found nothing physically wrong with me: no tumors, lesions, cancer or internal bleeding of any kind. I'm thankful for that. I have to have more blood tests though, which I am not happy about. The doctor believes that one of the medications I take for my bipolar disorder is causing me to not produce blood properly. The new blood tests are to confirm that. For now I am on an iron supplement and that's the only change in anything. Maybe I'll start to feel less tired in general once this is all sorted out and my meds are fixed. I can only hope.

I am going through something right now that I want to talk about here but can't, in fact I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, and it's driving me up the wall. The thing itself is killing me, and not being able to talk about it to anyone is killing me, too. I've never had this kind of problem before, and my inability to deal with it properly is part of the issue, for which I can blame no one but myself. It relates to my ex-wife putting me off on something, and that's all I can say about it. Is that cryptic and mysterious enough? I wish the solution would just drop into my lap, but I know that's not going to happen.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Random Flotsam

Music fans: In a current concert series, Weezer is the opening act for Blink 182. This is just plain wrong. It really should be the other way around, mainly because I (and many, many others) think that Blink 182 sucks. Is there no justice?

I'm tired. After getting to bed at 1:00 AM last night I got up this morning at 6:00 and went to get my blood test done. I went back to bed after I got home, but it just wasn't the same.

What the hell is wrong with Pyongyang? What possible good, reasonable reason could they have for wanting to crank up the cold war machine? I have a couple of questions for North Korea, like mainly, what do you plan on doing with the bomb, and why do you want the rest of the world pissed at you? Stupidity.

On Monday night, as soon as I finished shampooing the living room carpet, the shampooer broke down. Then I got out the floor fan to run in that room to help the carpet dry out. It ran for five minutes and broke down. I went to get the oscillating fan to use it instead and found that Bosco had chewed the plug off. What are the chances?

I don't have anything to eat in my house except some fish sticks, a half a box of Wheaties and a couple of cans of soup. I have to get to the grocery store soon.

Lonely is an empty corner.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

It Was Fun But...

...I could have used just one more day. The weekend was a busy one for me. The thing that took the longest and the most effort was tilling my garden and getting everything planted. It took most of a day. I planted cherry and beefsteak tomatoes, bell peppers, egg plant, cucumbers, squash, and sweet potatoes.

I also cut my grass, cleaned my living room carpet, cleaned the house, trimmed a tree in my back yard, and worked on a couple of music projects. Saturday I talked to my brother and sister on the phone, and Saturday night I had a nice fire in my outdoor fireplace, which I enjoyed with a couple of beers. Sunday eveing I went to my son's apartment, and the kids and I ate Chinese take out and played video games. Monday I slept in late, and took a nice bike ride in the early evening.

The only thing I wanted to do and didn't was go fishing. The stripers are running in the Delaware and I want to try for some. You have to plan for that though. You can't just go at any time. You have to go when the tide is almost finished coming in. The river is tidal where I live because we are so close to the ocean. Maybe next weekend.

The weather was beautiful all weekend, but that's over now. It started raining last night and it is supposed to continue until Friday afternoon. This will be a busy week. I have to get a blood test done tomorrow, and I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday. I need to have another doctor's appointment on Friday, and on Saturday I have to take Cortez to the groomers. I also have to pay my bills over the weekend. Today is pay day.

The hair is starting to visibly grow back on my chest and stomach. It still itches, but not like it was a few days ago. I'm glad that I don't have to have any more tests like that. At least, not as far as I know.

Work is somewhat slow tonight. Half of my people are off in other departments, and the other half will be doing the same within the next hour, so most of the evening will be quiet for me. Maybe I'll get some writing done this evening.

Well, I'm off to read some blogs...

Friday, May 22, 2009

Friday By The Numbers

1. Well Friday is finally here, and that makes me happy. It's been a long week. Good riddance.

2. About last night's delima, I took the sleeping pill. I woke up this morning at 11:00. I did not get done what I wanted to get done. Grrr.

3. The big house behing mine has been for sale for a couple of months now and I finally saw someone looking at it this morning. I just wish the real estate company would cut the 2' long grass. It makes the whole neighborhood look like crap.

4. The weather is beautiful today: warm, sunny, a slight breeze. It sure made it hard to come in here to work. On the up side, this is a furlough day for the front offices, so I got a nice close parking spot this afternoon.

5. Work is kind of, sort of, but not quite busy this evening. It's better than it being dead slow. I'll take it, I guess.

6. Today I put on this white shirt that has a pleated front. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm going to a wedding. I never thought it looked like a tux shirt, but I guess it kind of does now that I think about it.

7. I'm feeling sleepy sitting here at my desk. I need to get up and walk a round a bit.

8. Everyone have a really super Memorial Day weekend. Don't forget what the holiday is about.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

A Delima, Fire, Email and The Morning Paper

I want to get up tomorrow early and do some things, so I don't want to take a sleeping pill tonight. However, I dont want to have another night like I had last night, in which I spent half of it awake, tossing and turning. I'm not sure what I will do about this. If I take the pill, I know from experience that I'll probably sleep until 11:00 or 12:00. Decisions, decisions.

I got a nice email from my half-sister in South Carolina this evening. She told me that she is getting married this weekend. This is so sudden, but I am very happy for her. She deserves a good man.The last one was such a lying, cheating scumbag.

I also got a nice email from my mother. She was thinking of me because she looked out the kitchen window and my dad was out at the fire ring burning some brush and was leaning on his rake, staring into the fire. She knows how much I love a good bon fire. She wished I was there right then, so she wrote. Aren't mothers great?

Setting up my tent in the back yard to dry it out this morning had me thinking about an old ritual of mine and my brother's. When Columbus had a morning paper, The Citizen's Journal to be exact, he was a paper boy. He was about eleven and I was fourteen. In the summer on Friday nights we would sleep out in the family tent in the back yard, and at 4:00 AM I would go to deliver papers with him. We rode all over our small, one traffic light farm town on our bikes. We had the run of the place. We were the only ones up in the whole town except for the baker, who gave us free donuts, and the mortician, who scared the hell out of us when he would come to the door to retrieve the paper. Who knows why he was up at that hour, fully dressed in a three-piece suit, you know? Creepy.

After delivering the papers we would go back to the tent, eat donuts and read the paper by flashlight. Not the whole paper- just the copmics and the almanac. We would have discussions about the almanac- what planets were in the night sky, the big historical events, how many days were left in the calendar year, how many days until harvest. We would do this until dawn would creep in, at which point we would nestle back into our sleeping bags and snooze until about 9:00 AM. Ah, good times...

Everyone have a great evening. Remember when...

Almost

I'm glad that the week is almost over. I've pretty much decided that this weekend will be a working weekend around the house. I will till and plant my vegetable garden, retill the front herb garden and replant. I will recaulk the tub and shampoo the living room carpet. I will do some weeding and run the weed whacker over the whole perimiter of the yard. I will also spend Saturday evening sitting on the back patio, listening to music, drinking some beers and enjoying a small fire in the outdoor fire place.

I didn't sleep all that well last night. I didn't not take a sleeping pill because I wanted to get up early and get a few things done. I got up about 9:30 this morning and caught up on a few chores and errands. I picked up some paperwork at the doctor's office. I went to the post office. Now that it is warm and not too breezy I set up the tent and set out the tarps in the back yard so that they can dry out from the camping trip. I will clean them either tomorrow morning or on Saturday. I also cut the front lawn. The back didn't need it yet.

I also spent some time practicing the guitar late this morning. I have a little project going. I have pulled a bunch of old forgotten songs I wrote in the 90s from off of the old four-track recorder and dumped them into the computer. I am relearning them and will re-record them digitally with new vocals and instrumentation. This is something I am just doing for myself for fun. I have about a dozen songs to work on, and I managed to relearn three of them this morning. That's progress.

It now looks like tomorrow night will not be a slow one at work, which makes me happy. I want the night to go by quickly.

Well, I'm off to read some blogs. More later...

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Catching Up A Bit

So yesterday was my "pill cam" test. It went alright as for as far as I know. I'm not sure when I will get the results. I still have to have a couple more blood tests. I still seriously doubt that I have internal bleeding anywhere. None of the other tests have turned up anything like that. I still think it's just a matter of me having iron poor blood. Line me up for the cod liver oil or whatever.

I have to say that there is one thing I feel stupid about, and that's the shaving I had to do for my test. Monday night I sat in a tub of hot water. I got myself all wet and rubbed shaving cream all over my chest, stomach and lower. Then I went to work, and it was work. It took forever to get done. Finally I got everything shaved except for my very upper chest, which I couldn't see just looking down. I would need the bathroom mirror for that. I don't know why exactly, but after the bath I dried off and took the razor to my upper chest dry, using the mirror for guidance. The hair came off so quick, I couldn't believe it. I wish I had known about this!

I received in the mail yesterday a batch of poems from my nephew in Los Angeles. He suffers from what I would call a severe case of depression, in that it has incapacitated him in terms of leading a normal life. And he has had a hard life- his father killed in a drive-by gang shooting when he was just 13, having a step-father that he doesn not get along with, a battle with drug addiction. The poems are confessional and stark. There are a number of references to him feeling useless and unloved. There are a number of references to his wishing he was dead, and wanting to end it all. Of course this disturbs and concerns me quite a bit. And I understand how he feels. I have been there in the past. I wrote him a long letter back, and plan to write to him more. I encouraged him to keep putting his feelings and thoughts into poetry, and to keep writing to me. I don't know that there is anything else I can do for him except to be there for him to communicate with when he feels the need.

I'm glad that today is hump day. The upcoming three day weekend is appreciated. I'm not looking forward to Friday, though. According to the work forecasts it will be very slow in my department on Friday, so the time will drag. We all know how I hate a slow night at work. I have no real plans for the weekend except for the usual dinner with the kids on Sunday night. And on Saturday I'm going with the ex to finally end the family phone plan. We will have separate plans from now on. I think it's a mistake because it will end up costing us both more. I guess I'll find out for sure. I also have to find out about getting internet service at home again, since the wireless was Billy's and he's gone now. I hope I can afford the cable DSL service.

Well, that's all for now. everyone have a nice evening...

A Few Camping Photos...
















...as promised.










Monday, May 18, 2009

Eat Something

I'm still starving, only worse now. Tonight I have had several cups of coffee, a Coke Zero and the broth from three ramen cups. It's just not enough. I purposely had a big lunch to try to tide me over. It really didn't work. And I'm not allowed to eat anything until lunch time tomorrow, and even then only something light. I am craving a big burger and fries in the worst way. Once the test is over tomorrow I'm going to gorge myself silly, I swear.

Everyone have a great rest of the evening. Eat something for me...

All The News

I have a lot to talk about today, but will do my best to not make this a real long post.

First of all with the exception of having to pack up in the rain on Sunday morning, the camping trip was great. Thanks to my new camera, I will have photos to post of the trip in a day or two. About nine of us ended up in attendance and we had a really good time. They had a birthday cake for me on Saturday night. Cool.

On Sunday, after unpacking my camping equiment and cleaning up the house a bit, I went shopping with my birthday money. First I went to Target and bought camera accessories- a 2GB memory card, carrying case, tripod and cleaning kit. Then I went to Home Depot and bought hanging flower baskets for my back yard. Then I finsihed off at Kohls, where I bought a new pair of slacks and a casual shirt.

Later on was the poetry group meeting. It was a good meeting. I received the first supply of my new book, Big Time, and I was very pleased with the results. Maverick Duck Press did a great job with it. The group also had a birthday cake for me. I have a fair amount of sugar free cake at home right now.

The only bad thing about the weekend was that I took a little nap on Sunday afternoon before the poertry group meeting, during which I had a startlingly vivid nightmare. I dreamed that my first ex- wife came to Jersey, found me, and shot me to death- right in the forehead. It seemed so real, it was awful.

Tomorrow is my "pill cam" test at the hospital in Camden. It's so much fun. Liquid diet all day today. I'm so starving right now. I won't be allowed to eat anything until lunch time tomorrow. Tonight I have to completely shave my chest, stomach and abdomen so that they can attach the electronic patches to my skin for the data recording device. I will be so nervous shaving around my nipples. I'm so afraid of getting cut right there for some reason. I hate to think what this will cost me. My portion of the last tests I had is costing me $300 out of pocket. I just have a feeling like this will be more. It seems like such a high tech procedure.

Well, back to work for now. More later...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Yay Camping!

I've been so preoccupied tonight with the camping trip. I know that Rachel packed her car up tonight, and I'm so keyed up right now I'll probably go home and do the same rather than going to bed. Hell, I know I won't be able to sleep. I just can't wait. I'm so like a little kid about this...

BDay Recap

First of all, a huge load of thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday yesterday on here, in email and on Facebook. It was literally dozens of people. Second, I have to say that I was very freaked out that one of said people on Facebook was my first ex-wife, whom I have not heard boo from in probably fifteen years. It was spooky. I won't go into the story now, but she waschronically physically, mentally and verbally abusive to me, which is why I left her.

Anyway, I started the day by getting up at 6:00 to get my blood test. I got there at 6:45 and was very surprised to be out of there in a half hour, especially given the number of people in the waiting room when I got there. I was so happy about that that I promptly went fishing. For four and a half hours. I caught two very nice rainbow trout that are now in my freezer, awaiting the frying pan. A third got way from me at the dock.

After that I had lunch at Checkers and went to the store to buy the goods for the camping trip. I had the hardest time finding vienna sausages for some reason. I never thought to look by the canned chili. Silly me. Then I took my car in for service. For the hour and a half that I was there in the dealership waiting room I read a David Sedaris book and watched a surprisingly explicit movie about two lesbians in a high school level boarding school. There was explicit language, full frontal nudity and sexually explicit scenes. Being a typical guy in some respects, this of course made me happy. Heh.

After the car business I went home and showered and got ready for dinner with the family. We ate at the Macaroni Grill. They screwed up and didn't assign us a server right at first, so the mananger gave us free appetizers, gave us each a coupon for $5 off an entree at our next visit, and gave us free post-meal coffees. It was great. Everyone chipped in and got me a new Canon digital camera, which I am extremely happy with.

I went to bed a couple of hours after I got home, but found myself wide awake with the RLS raging in my legs at 1:30. What could I do? I got up and packed all my camping gear up and went through my check list several times, that's what I did. I'm ready now. I just have to load the car. That took me until about 3:30 AM. I then went back to bed, and luckily fell asleep. I got up this morning at 11:30 feeling pretty good.

Now I just have to get through the work night, which is already going smoothly. The visit by our director was nothing. No bad news was issued. He was just there to introduce our new manager, and answer questions.

Well, it's almost 8:00 PM- dinner time for me. More later...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Pondering

Something in Bobby's post today got my brain whirring. He said something about still feeling like he's seventeen years old. I had always felt like I was still seventeen inside. It was great to be that way. Then I hit fifty and something sort of changed. I don't exactly know what it is. Maybe more focused thoughts of impending mortality. Maybe it is my recent decline in health. Maybe it is the small pot I have developed just above the waist line. Maybe it's seeing my parents and siblings aging. Maybe the realiziation of how much time has really passed has put the whammy on me. Maybe it's a combination of all these things and others that I just haven't sorted yet.

In a way, I want to still feel that young inside. I want to feel that carefree, which I know will not happen. I want to have that many wild times, which I am too responsible for now. I want to have that many close friends, which I don't. The old adage is that you are only as old as you feel. I belive that, but only to point, as it only seems to work for me to a certain point now. My doctor, who is in his early sixties tells me I am still a young man. I know that's bullshit. I'm fifty. Fifty one tomorrow, to be exact. I know that I have spent more days than what I have left.

On the other hand, I'm happy, or at least content almost every day. I've learned to be content with what my life is and what life has handed me. I've beaten my bipolar disorder and my inner demons to a pulp, which I am proud of. I have my medical issues under control. I'm finding that I can do with less than I thought I could. I've learned to deal with my career not going as far as I wanted it to go. I'm slowly learning to live without my wife, without a wife. I know that I don't look as old as fifty. And honestly, when I look in the mirror I like who I see.

I've never discussed this with someone my own age. Perhaps I should just to get someone else's perspective on it. I don't know.

Anyway, I'm glad for Bobby that he feels like he does. He's a great guy, and I hope he always feels that way. I wish him nothing but the best. As for me, I believe I've kind of settled into fifty in a way, and I think I'm alright with it.