Friday, January 2, 2009

The Inaugural Post

I find myself here quite by accident, and it was not an accident of mine. You see, I was blogging on Journalspace for nearly the past six years. I liked it there very much. I had about forty online friends there, some of whom I care about very much and some of whom turned into real life friends. Well, something happened to Journalspace the week before Christmas. It suffered a serious problem with its hard drives that was going to take one to two weeks to fix.

To cut a long story short, I tried to log in today and was greeted by a message that started out, "Journalspace is no more". I don't understand all of the technical computer stuff they talked about in the message. Employee sabotage was mentioned. The point was that it is not coming back in any way, shape or form. Ever.

I am so saddened by this. It isn't so much that I lost six years worth of my life chronicled and archived online- the high points, the melt downs, all of it. It really hurts me that I lost touch with all of those people. The realization that I will probably never again get to talk to or read about these people whom I had come to know so well is actually painful for me. I hate losing people. The thoughts of some of these people, especially those whom I shared personal pain with, will haunt me, I know. Out of forty people I have email adresses for two, a phone number for one, and a snail mail address for one. That's it. I can only hope that some of the remaining number of people look for and find me here. Nowhere else on the web do I use the moniker "Knifeboy".

Besides the connection to people, my journal was much-needed therapy. You see, shortly before I started journaling online I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which took me on a long slow ride to hell and back. My therapist directed me to keep a diary or journal of some sort, and I hate handwriting, so it was natural for me to go online. When I was troubled or lonely or depressed or on a manic high I would write and it helped. It always helped.

Anyway, My very close friend R advised me to come here. I'm glad that she did. I hope that in time I come to like it here as much as I did on Journalspace. I like it here already. And I hope to get to make some new connections here as well. Thank you Blogger for being there in my hour of need.

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