Tired, Work and Where Is Saturday?

Tonight finds me tired. I did not want to get off the bed this morning. It snowed like crazy last night on my way home from work, so I forced myself up early to shovel snow. I got up, looked out the window and saw that Billy had shoveled before he went to work. I promptly crawled back into bed for another hour. Even Bosco didn't want to get up and out of the covers this morning. This evening, I spent the last fifteen minutes of my dinner break cat napping. I can't wait to get home and crawl back into bed.

Well, my new assignment restarts on Thursday, so for the next five weeks at least, I will be working the early hours- 6:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., which will be quite an adjustment for me. At least I will be doing something that is interesting and a decent change of pace. I will still have to have somewhat of a hand in what happens with my department at night, and that will be the tough part. Also, one of my bosses gave me some new temporary responsibilities without giving me the resources needed to handle them. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage that yet.

I know it's only Tuesday, but I'm already thinking of the weekend. I don't have any plans yet other than a poetry group meeting on Sunday night, but I am still anxiously waiting for it to arrive. I wish we would get another warmish spell so that I could do some early fishing without freezing my tail off. I believe they call it cabin fever, and I'm getting it.

Happy Hump Day tomorrow, everyone.

Catching Up A Bit

Work on Friday was- different. Training people all day is nothing at all like supervising a department all day. I did hands-on training with three people, and it was interesting. Watching new people learning processes that my employees know by heart gave me some insights into the whole thing. I'm looking forward to more of this. I built the tentative training schedule tonight and if my boss approves it, I'll be doing nothing but training from this Thursday through the end of March. Then we'll see what else he has in store for me.

The weekend was as I predicted. Not much took place. I got home from work by 4:00 (nice!)Friday afternoon. I played around on the computer for a bit and had some dinner. Then I sat down on the couch to watch some TV with Bosco and promptly fell asleep. It was about 7:00. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. and staggered off to bed.

I slept in a bit on Saturday then took my car in for scheduled maintenance. I had an early dinner- take out chinese- and went to Home Depot with Billy to get a few things I needed for around the house like light bulbs and a new furnace filter. After that I recorded and posted my newest poetry podcast (www.ipoet.podbean.com).

Then, things got sort of strange. I sat up for hours listening to music, all different kinds. While playing some old Iggy Pop, Billy, who had been asleep upstairs appeared. I apologized profusely for waking him up, but he said I didn't. He said he was awake and heard the bass line of the song that was playing (Mass Production) and had to come down and see who it was. We spent the next two hours or so listening to music and drinking wine. I introduced Bill to The Idiot and The Roches, among other things.

Billy went back to bed at about 3:00 a.m. and I went to the diner alone for breakfast. I had coffee, pancakes, bacon and orange juice. It really hit the spot. Then I went home and jumped in bed.

Sunday I slept in until noon. I got up and picked up prescriptions at the pharmacy. Then I went to Dick's. I had a $60 gift card that my daughter gave me for Christmas and $50 that my mother sent me for Valentine's. So, I got my fishing license and trout stamp (why wait) and bought a new bait casting rod and reel. I'm all ready now and waiting on the weather. Watch out, largemouth bass. Sunday night was spent watching Animation Domination and talking to family on the phone.

The only bad thing about the weekend really, was the high winds on Saturday and Saturday night- gusts of 40-50 MPH. I hate the wind to begin with, and I was so afraid of the spruce in the front yard falling on the house. Also, I have my canoe and kayak on saw horses and covered with tarps in the back yard. Well, they both went for unexpected trips across the yard in the wind. I also saw later where the wind pushed in the bottom of my shed doors. Nice.

This week brings more overtime. We'll be here until midnight every night this week the way it looks now. It's going to be another long week.

And So The Fun Begins

On Monday my boss explained a special assignment that he was putting me on that will last the next two months. It involves cross-training every employee in the facility in several different work functions. When I reviewed the moom chart for the project last night I saw a huge task that is very detailed and will take a lot of persistance and dedication on my part. I am looking forward to the change of pace from my regular duties.

Tonight I am to start drawing up a tentative schedule for the project. Today in a one-on-one meeting about something else, talk turned to this project, adn my boss told me that from now on, my skills and talents are going to be used in ways that no one (especially me) ever imagined. That really has me curious.

Later, in a different meeting, he informed me that schedule or not, the project starts Friday. I am to leave work half-night on Thursday night, then come in for the early morning shift on Friday. I am to spend that shift training the fifteen people in their department how to do my department's work. I am also to train their suopervisor on how to do that work the way re do it on my shift.

So, the fun begins quickly. And as a bonus, I'll be home well before dinner time on Friday. Yay.

A Follow Up

This is a follow up to last night's post. Regarding my bipolar disorder, I have been doing very well for the past four years or so thanks to the therapy and the meds. I am, and have been, very stable. I successfully hold down a job as a manager of people, and overall function as a "normal" human being. I live a fairly regular life and as you can see from my posts, do fairly regular things with my life. I am lucky. I know people with this disorder that can't lead decent lives or are pretty much incapacitated by it.

I have been very lucky to have had the love and support of my friends and my family, excepting of course, my wife. It was a hard illness for my family to fathom. And I'm the last person they would have ever imagined having something like this.

What really keeps my head afloat is not letting the disease (and it is a disease like any other) define me. I am not bipolar. I have bipolar disorder, and there is a difference. I've learned that I am not broken or a freak. I am a human being with an illness of the brain. That's all.

Yes, the meds have changed my personality. I used to be very upbeat, extremely talkative, and the class clown and practical joker, always screaming for attention. Now I am more quiet, subdued. I tend to listen more than talk. I am mild and very laid back. A very good friend has described this me as a "placid pond".

Every morning that I can raise my head off the pillow is a good thing, and I always find something to happy about, something to laugh about, and something to be thankful for, every day.

All Apologies

My apologies to anyone who read my previous, now-deleted post from earlier this evening. It's just a matter of what today is, and my being alone and feeling shat upon. I didn't mean to come off as bitter. WARNING: The rest of this post could bring you down.

This is always a tough day for me. After I went to hell and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder eight years ago, I got help. I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and started taking a few different meds. The meds changed my personality quite a bit, and my wife didn't like this. We went to counseling, we saw several different marraige professionals and it always came down to the same thing: My wife wanted the old me back. I was given the ultimatum of either getting off the meds and going back to the old me, or losing her. The problem was the old me had become a dark, manic-depressive insomniac who was cutting nightly and generally riding the crazy train. My old personality was there, but I was out of control.

In the end I chose my sanity. I've paid a very big price for that, and am still paying. I lost my wife of twenty years, whom I love very much. I am lonely constantly. I have no one. Salt on the wound, I pay a ridiculous amount of alimony to, and insurance premiums for her. And there is more, but I won't go into it here and now.

I enjoy my solitary time. When I am fishing, kayaking, biking or hiking I enjoy it very much, and I need it. But I very much miss waking up with someone other than the dog. I miss having someone to share meals with, to go to the movies with, and on and on. I miss intimate proximity and physical affection very much.

On a day like today especially, these things hit home for me. I' more sensitive and feel them more keenly. I think that I deserve someone special, and my big fear is that I will never have one again.

Project Weekend

Well, tonight finds me sleepy again. It doesn't help that we aren't very busy tonight at work. I hate slow work nights. As mentioned previously, this will be a house cleaning and laundry weekend for me. I also will be producing another poetry podcast and getting it out on the site (ipoet.podbean.com).

I thought I was sleeping in pretty late tomorrow, but as it turns out now, I will be getting up to have my taxes done. This is a good thing, as I figure I will be getting about a $1300 return from federal, and about $350 from the state. Not too shabby. I'll be getting up around 10:30 for that. Maybe a nice afternoon nap will be in order when I get home. Yeah.

Once I get the tax money I will be getting my airline ticket to Hawaii. My daughter is getting married there in May. I already have a place to stay- an aunt's time share which will cost all of $40 for the five or six days I'll be there. My parents and I will be sharing it. I'm glad to see her get married. She is 33, kind, beautiful and has her masters degree. Her fiance is a great guy. We hit it off pretty well right from the start, even though he is an Eagles fan.

Well, that's all for me for now. Everyone have a great weekend.

Mainly About Sleep

I don't have a whole lot to say tonight except that it's been a long one. We had to work overtime tonight. It's really just a warm up for the next two weeks, in which we will have to work ten hour nights every night. At least I get comp time for anything over 45 hours.

I'm tired tonight, too. I woke up that way. I really had to fight to get up on time today. Most days are like that, and I don't know why. I don't stay up late. I don't spend a lot of time awake in bed or tossing and turning. I fall asleep pretty quick and stay asleep. And I do get enough sleep- on average ten hours a night. Once I've been up for a half an hour I'm fine. I don't feel tired at all. I felt fine all day today until the last half an hour or so. It's just the getting up that kills me.

That said, I'm glad that tomorrow is Friday, because I plan on sleeping in with Bosco on Saturday. I may just not get up until noon or later. I may do the same on Sunday too, if I feel like it.

A famous writer once said, "I'll sleep when I'm dead". Another famous writer once said, "Sleep is my greatest vice". I tend to agree more with the later statement. It suits me better.

Everyone have a nice night. Sleep well...

Where have I been?

Not to London to see the queen. I've just been really busy at work.

The weekend was also very busy and very good. I got the best reception I've ever gotten at the poetry reading on Friday night. I think that for readings I need to pretty much stick to light and humorous material. It seems to go over better. Afterwards a few of us went to Dunleavey's for a late dinner and a beer. That was nice.

On Saturday I went writing at Borders with R and D. It was good to see them, and I got a few really interesting poetry prompts from R. The party I went to on Saturday night was great. Getting there was awful, though. I was raining. And foggy. Then there was the spray from the tires of the cars in front of me. Lucky, though, the rain stopped by the time I got to Seven Valleys, and soon after, the skies cleared and warmish breezes started to blow. Anyway, it was a hobo themed birthday party and we had beans and weenies to eat, booze in paper bags, and a fire in a big, metal trash can. I had a lot of fun, stayed the night and my clothes all smelled like wood smoke.

Sunday, I went to K's house to watch the football game. My team won, so I was happy. And K's wife made these awesome home-made pizzas and even more awesome brownies with carmel in the middle. Wow.

The only bad news in all of this is that I spent enough money over the weekend that I'll be spending the coming weekend at home. That's probably not totally a bad thing since I do need to clean the house, do laundry and do a few other things. It's also a good thing that the week is going quickly so far. I can't believe that tomorrow is already Thursday.

Had Some Fun

For lack of something interesting to write about, I offer you a poem. This one was very fun to write. All of the lines are based on lines or phrases from rock songs. I wonder how many people could pick them all out? I hope it gives you a chuckle.

Amalgamated Me

Whenever I look at myself in the mirror
I see that I am not bad to the bone.
I am not working for the weekend,
nor am I going to funky town anytime
soon. I am not a teenage dirt bag, baby.
I am not a goody two-shoes. I do not
whip it good. I’m shattered, shattered.

I don’t want you to destroy my sweater.
You cannot take me to the river,
drop me in the water. I will never be
blinded by the light, wrapped up
like a deuce, another runner in the night.
When the lights go down in the city,
and the sun shines on the bay,
I don’t want to be there in my city.
I tried so hard and got so far,
but in the end it didn’t even matter.

However, let it go, I tell myself—
This too shall pass. I’m a man. I’m the man
in the box. I was born in a small town.
I’m alive in the Super Unknown.
I’ve got the beat. I’m together
with your plan. I’m gonna’ rock this town,
rock it inside out. I’m TNT, I’m dynamite.
I’ll never be no beast of burden.
I’m as free as a bird now,
I believe it’s time for me to fly. I feel
like making love. I just wanna’ make love
to you. Love is all you need. I’ll rock you
like a hurricane. Let the good times roll,
and watch out, here I come.

I Beat It

Well, when I saw on Monday what the weather forecast was for Tuesday and Tuesday night- a 1/2 inch of freezing rain- I immediately put in for a vacation day for Tuesday. I did not want to spend another night on a cot in the conference room. It was approved, so I was at home yesterday.

In my area, South Jersey, we got nothing but drizzle all day and night. In North Jersey, where work is located, they got the ice storm. So, I made a good move. Today everything warmed up and started melting. By the time I had to go to work today, the roads were just wet. It's been windy all evening and the roads are drying. Yay.

So, yesterday, I slept in until noon. I got up, cleaned up and ran some errands. I also went to the bank and got myself set up with a debit card and account. That's correct, I did not have one before this. After that I ate lunch and spent three hours on the guitar. I plugged the mp3 player into the stereo, put in on shuffle, and tried to learn every song that popped up on the fly. My success rate was about 20 percent- not too bad in my opinion. Then I produced and posted my latest poetry podcast (ipoet.podbean.com) and ate dinner.

Later on the night took a crazy turn. I was playing around on facebook. A friend posted an update that basically said, "comment on how you met me, but don't tell the truth. Make stuff up. Then post this to your profile so I can do the same". Well, I did it, and it just took off. I was suddenly geting lots of comments on my wall and all of my friends were posting the update to their pages, and I was commenting on all of them. It was a lot of fun.

While this was going on, I started drinking red wine. I drained a bottle and a half, and when I was nearly finished, I got into a drunken texting bout with a former lover. It quickly became a train wreck. She didn't know I was drunk- just thought I was being an ass. She called me this afternoon to find out for sure which it was. She was pretty unhappy with me and I feel bad about it.

Anyway, I ended the night hopping into bed about 12:30. I slept great and got up feeling great this morning. Tonight has been a slow night at work. A number of people were given the option of leaving work two hours early. All but one of my employees took advantage of the offer. Tomorrow is going to be even slower. We have plenty of shipments out there, but the storm has delayed everything and slowed things down considerably.

Well, my break is over. Back to work. Good night all.